Hello, is it me you’re looking for.
It seems only proper that if you are joining me on this journey, we should have formal introductions. You should have an idea of who I am, to examine the labels that I have collected over the years so far.
I am a husband, to an incredible, amazing woman, who has patiently suffered many long years with my struggles!
I am a father, I have three of the most rewarding and inspirational children. They are, beyond a doubt, without question, indisputably my world, as I would hope any parent would say of their children… it is a shame, I was going to say ‘I am sure’, but sadly, I know that’s not true. I just know, that if the building were burning down, it is the kids I would save first, the wife would have to fend for herself…it’s OK, I know she feels the same way!
The amazing thing about my kids, apart from the fact, that somehow they managed to be my kids, is that each day they teach me something new, they force me to question and evaluate, they motivate me to be better, to be more than who I am. They force me, with their smiles, or laughter, or a flick of their hair, or a look on their face, to confront my failings and fight the good fight, so they can say they are as proud of me as I am of them. And boy, it is a real fight sometimes!!
Now I know they are not perfect, they are wonderful, but I would not want them to be perfect.
There are also currently five dogs and a cat in my household, approximately 50%-40% of the time, my Mum stays with us as well. Interesting how I have listed my Mum along with the pets! A cigar is sometimes a cigar, sometimes it is a Freudian slip!
I work, and I am really struggling with my job, it is failing me and in turn I must be failing it, which then brings forth all kinds of questions and fears. I also have some issues with the management there which does not help. But I am good at it. As my wife says, ‘we must help if we can’, and well I can. And when it feels like we live in a society where it is easier to say no than it is to say yes, where the focus seems to be not on what we can do for others, but on what others can do for us, it’s time to herald the banner, let loose the dogs of war and shout ‘YES’. So, for the last 15 years I have worked primarily supporting children and young adults in the care system.
These are just some of the parts of me, but not the sum. I am not sure of what the sum is, only that it is forever changing its course, sometimes wild, sometimes tame, like a giant meandering river. And tragically this is a river I feel I have not swum in enough. I do not feel authentic, there are parts of me, that do not feel real or genuine.
life here is often chaotic, sometimes exceedingly difficult and we forget to smile, sometimes very silly and loving and warm like a big soft embrace. It is never dulled, it is Mediterranean, with a touch of Never Never Land.
I am not here to sell you anything, neither am I going to talk about my favourite gauge for laying model train track, I am not going to enthuse over the latest shade of lipstick. And I am not here to give advice or be an influencer. I am here to be a storyteller! The story of my truth.
I will show you; I hope an insight into my life. Together we may find inspiration, together we may learn not to be afraid. Together we may explore our passions, our demons, our angers, our dreams, our thoughts, and curiosities. And together, we may learn that we are authentic, and that while distance, years, sex, colour, race, religion, education, language, ability may separate us, we share a kindred flame that should be allowed to unite and strengthen us all. I want this to be a collaboration, so please, feel free to share your stories, feelings, and thoughts.
Thank you for taking the time to read, I hope you will take some time to explore my blog, you may be surprised and read something interesting, or something you can relate too. You might even discover something new. At least you may be curious, will I fall perilously to my doom like Icarus when he tried to touch the sun, or will I soar like Pegasus into the heavens?
The above was written pre diagnoses, the biggest change since then is I have been diagnosed Autistic and that baby number 4 is less than 3 weeks away!
The Autistic Daddy 